COVID-19 has changed the world. And it's changed our lives. Our society went from social to social distancing over night. Everyone is struggling with this. Some of us are working from home. Some of us lost our jobs. Some of us are trying to educate our children while they engage in online learning for the first time in their lives. We are cancelling events, missing friends and family, running out of TV series to stream, and trying to find ways to keep ourselves entertained.
But if you're a single parent or the abandoned party from a crappy marriage, this whole stay at home thing is even more difficult. In addition to all the fun things about the fallout of COVID-19 that I already mentioned, you are also probably experiencing additional frustrations and loneliness and possibly even mental health breakdowns.
I'm going to address the single parenting aspect of this first because it is the least emotional one for me. I was a single mom after my first divorce. At the time I divorced Husband #1, my son was two. I experienced about two and a half years of being a single mom before Wusband and I moved in together and created our blended family. My son's dad is an active member of his life; he gets our child every other weekend and 1-2 evenings a week. And I admit that being a single parent to a nine-year-old is a hell of a lot easier than being a single parent to a toddler and preschooler. But even though my ex-husband is involved, I sometimes feel like I need much more a break.
Every other weekend and one or two evenings a week. That adds up to four full days and eight evenings a month that my child is with his dad. Do you know what that leaves me each month? The other 18 evenings plus 26 mornings and afternoons that I am parenting alone. And who's the parent who drew the short straw on this whole learning from home thing? Who's the parent who is monitoring her kid's school work while also working from home? Ding ding ding! You guessed it: me. There's no one else to make sure he does he work, attends his scheduled online class meetings, and puts down his devices every once in a while. There's no one else to entertain him when he actually gets bored with video games and YouTube.
(Side note: I am also working from home, which means I don't actually have time during the day to play with him. So on top of everything else, I get to experience extreme Mom guilt over allowing my child to spend hours playing video games and watching YouTube. I feel bad that he is lonely even though I'm in the next room. Thank God for online gaming or this poor kid literally would have no one to talk to for the majority of the 9:00-5:00 hours Monday through Friday. It's not like my job duties lessened just because the world got sick.)
Just once, just one damn time, I would love it if my child could sleep at his father's house on a weeknight and do his online schooling over there. Just give me a break for one day! Just one. One day to get caught up on my own work. One day where I don't have to tell my child he has to wait until I'm off the phone to make him lunch. One day where I don't have to ask him to use his inside voice or try to tune out the sounds of Fortnite and DanTDM.
But even saying that makes me feel guilty. Please tell me I am not the only mother who experiences the Mom guilt. Please tell me I am not the only parent who is basically letting her kid's brain rot in front of a screen during work hours right now. (I actually know I'm not the only one, as at least one of his classmates always seems to be online to play video games with him during the day.) But I really do feel like this entire experience has made me a worse mom.
And on top of all of this, let's not forget I am carrying Wusband's child and am eight months pregnant right now. So this means I get additional single parenting joys like deciding whether to leave my nine-year-old at home alone or risk his health by bringing him to the OB's office for my now bi-weekly visits.
I also am so freaking exhausted that I am struggling to stay up until his bed time. Since there's no school, we're officially on weekend bed time every night. Yes, I realize that time is only 9:30, but some nights, I don't think I can make it past the final round of Jeopardy.
I am afraid to expose myself to the general population by going grocery shopping, and now that Instacart and every other grocery pickup or delivery service is so busy you can't even book a shopping appointment, we don't have any food in the house. But it's not like I can go out to eat, either. I went to Walmart once last week, and it was like stepping back in time to February, before COVID-19 hit the U.S. No one there seemed to care that we are in the middle of a global pandemic. No one maintained social distancing guidelines. Not a single employee wore a mask. It was like nothing in the world had changed. My gut instinct told me not to even go in when I saw how busy the parking lot was, but I needed groceries, so in I went. I will not be making that mistake again.
So basically, I am currently starving my child while letting Fortnite and YouTube babysit him so I can leave him unattended to work and make sure my unborn child is healthy. Great parenting, right? (This is all an exaggeration, of course, but this is how I feel sometimes.)
And let's not even mention the hormones and the loneliness and the resurgence of negative emotions caused by Wusband dumping his pregnant wife for his ditzy secretary who is thirteen years younger than he is! Actually, I had intended for this post to dive into that whole mess next, but now I'm too tired to finish. So I'm taking my humungous pregnant belly to bed, where I won't be able to sleep because this child kicks all freaking night long and the house is too quiet while my son is at his dad's. But I won't get back up to finish this post because it takes me an eternity to actually get my pregnant body out of bed. Have you ever witnessed a pregnant woman try to get up from lying down? It's like watching an elephant try to roll over.
But at some point, and hopefully before this weekend is over, I will finally roll out of bed (because even elephants eventually find a way to get on their feet) and continue this diatrab by explaining the effects of isolation on those of us who got duped and dumped. Until then, good night, sleep tight, and get some extra ZZZ's for this pregnant lady, will you?
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