To the woman dating my husband,
I'm sure that he has told you all about his past marriages and relationship. And I know what you're thinking: How could all of his exes treat him so terribly? He's so wonderful; how they could not see that? Or take that for granted? Let me guess some of the things you've heard:
His first ex-wife was cold and asexual. They were best friends who never really had that spark and were never really in love. They got along great and decided to get married because it was the natural next step. Eventually, they realized they'd be better off as just friends and decided to get a divorce.
He either said he didn't date anyone in between ex-wife #1 and me, or he's told you he dated some women in between us, but they were all crazy! They wanted to move too fast too soon, or they had so much drama with their exes, or they expected him to be measure up to impossible standards.
And what has he told you about me? Let me guess: I'm controlling. I complain about everything. I refuse to do anything he wants to do. We don't have anything in common. I treated his children terribly. I was the wicked witch of wives and step-mothers. Gosh, it's such a good thing you came along and rescued him from my evil clutches!
How did I do? Were my guesses pretty accurate? Isn't it scary how much I know about your relationship with him? Are you starting to believe me yet?
Now let me tell you the truth:
I got that song and dance routine about his first wife, too. He told me he was never really in love with her, and that I was the first person in his life he ever really fell in love with. Oh, wait, did he tell you that, too? I bet he has told every woman he has ever been with that line. I fell for it. I'm sure you did, too.
Do you want to know the real reason he divorced his first wife? (Drum roll please....) He cheated on her! Unfortunately, she never told me this, and I never asked her until it was way too late. But I am telling you, warning you. Will you heed my advice?
He told me he didn't date anyone between his ex-wife and me. I got this whole sob story about how he figured marriage wasn't for him and he had made himself content with the idea of being alone for the rest of his life. I fell for this line, too. In reality, I found pictures of naked women in his phone, dated in between his separation from his ex and when he started dating me. (I also found naked pictures in his phone after we were together and while we were married.) Of course he dated other women between her and me; he's not a monk! And even though he started dating you while he was still with me, I'd be willing to bet you aren't the only one he was dating at that time.
Whatever he told you about me, he lied. Am I controlling? No, but I was left to manage every aspect of our household by myself. So does making sure he was at the kids' sporting events, single-handedly deciding what we were all eating for dinner every night, and reminding him of things he promised he'd do for me make me controlling? I don't think so.
Did I complain all the time? I admit, I did complain about his lack of help around the house. We both worked full time, yet I was the only one cleaning, weeding, grocery shopping, running errands, and making the kids clean their rooms. Did I nag him about his one and only chore of mowing the lawn? Yes. Does that make me an awful spouse and mean I pushed him into your arms? No.
Do we really not have anything in common? You know what, I honestly don't know. He spent so many years during the first half of our relationship wearing a mask and pretending to be Mr. Perfect that I am not sure what he actually likes. He's probably spent so much of his life pretending to be someone he's not that he might not have any genuine interests of his own.
Did I treat his children terribly? Of course not. I did my best to love and care for them as if they were my own. I helped them with their homework, shuttled them to and from their activities, cheered them on in all of those activities, arranged family fun days, took them out to eat and to watch movies, took them to other fun places (without their dad), played board games with them, brought them surprises, etc. etc. I did everything a mom would do. Did I treat them differently than my own son? Well, they are teenagers and my son is still in single digits, so, yes, I probably did. But not because I loved them any less. I simply had higher expectations from teenagers than gradeschoolers.
Everything he's telling you is a lie to make you pity him. He loves to play the victim, to pull on your heart strings. If you feel like he needs you, then you won't leave him. All of this is the beginning of his ploy to reel you in before he chews you up and spits you out. His end game here is to use you for whatever he can get out of you. And as soon as you're on to him, or you're all used up, he will throw you away like you never meant anything to him. Because you don't matter to him now, and you never will.
I know you still won't believe me. And why am I bothering to justify myself to you, anway? You knew he was married to me when you started dating him. You cheated on your own husband to be with him. You're just as bad as he is. I guess you two deserve each other.
From,
His wife
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