To the woman dating my husband,
I know what you're thinking. This man is God-send. He does so many things no other man has ever done for you. He has characteristics you've never seen in another man. He is ten miles apart from any other man you've ever been with.
You love how much he pays attention to you. Let's face it; there is a vast communication and listening gap between men and women. Men just don't pay attention. But he really does. He clings to your every word. He actually listens. He remembers everything you tell him. It's so refreshing to know that you don't have to repeat things ten times, or wonder if that look on his face means he's paying attention or imagining you naked.
Not only does he listen and pay attention to you, but it seems like he pays attention to everything about you. You don't remember telling him what your favorite coffe order is, but he knows it just the same. He must've paid attention the last time another coworker brought you coffee. You don't think you told him about that special trip you took, but he brought you a little trinket with the name of that city on it. He must've overheard you talking about it to your coworker. He must really like you if he even goes out of his way to remember things about you that you haven't even gotten around to discussing yet.
Let me clue you in on something: None of his current behaviors are normal. How does he possibly remember everything about you? Does he keep notes somewhere? Does he recite it all back to himself during his drive home? Do you really think it's okay for a guy to eavesdrop on your conversations? Of course he's not like other guys in the listening department; he's practically stalking you to get information on you.
Why? Because he is a narcissist and needs to learn everything about you so he can use it against you later. You think it's so sweet how he knows your coffee order now? Just wait. One day, you will decide to order something different, simply out of a genuine taste for something else. But he won't see it that way; he will accuse you of changing. You thought it was adorable when he remembered you mentioning that special vacation. Sooner or later, he will bring that up and accuse you of really wanting to be there without him, or of going there with another man.
Everything you are telling him now is ammunition for the war that he is going to wage against you. He will know exactly what you like and dislike. He will know what makes you feel respected and desired and what makes you feel self-conscious and unwanted. He will know how to raise you up, but he will also know how to crush you to your core. And he will use this knowledge to throw you in an abuse cycle so conniving that you won't see it coming and so viscious that you won't know how to escape it. Eventually, he will have you living for the moments when he really seems to love you, when he gives you gifts and makes you feel wanted, because there will be so many other moments when he walks all over you and stomps you into the ground. You will cling to those good times like a drug addict waiting for the next high.
I know you don't believe me. The abuse hasn't started yet. He's still gathering intelligence; he isn't ready to fire that first shot yet. But he will. At first, you will barely notice. But as the battle goes on, that gunfire will rain down on you with more and more vengence. And you will cower under the cover of the good times while you wait for the assault to end. So go ahead, keep believing he is the best thing that ever happened to you. He won't be for long. You'll see.
From,
His wife
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