I try to keep all my blog posts somewhat positive. This blog serves as a way for me to not only process and share my emotions and experiences, but also to find the silver lining in the storm clouds hanging over my life. I truly believe everything I write, and I know that I am better off without Wusband and at some point in the future (which I hope is sooner rather than later), I will be truly happy with my life, however it turns out.
But recovering from Wusband's infidelity, abuse, and abandondment is hard. It's been 102 days since D-Day, 81 days since we decided to get dicorved, 74 days since he offically moved out, and 54 days since I last saw him or directly communicated with him. I do not feel positive all the time. I still have days where I am confused and sad. I still have moments where I am weak and wish he would just come home, despite everything. I still have moments where it feels like this all happened yesterday and it can't possibly be real, like it's just some horrible nightmare from which I simply need to wake up. I still cry. I still think about him every day.
This is why professional therapy is necessary to the healing process. Recovery is a roller coaster, but not the fun thrill ride I enjoyed in my teens. No, this roller coaster is terrifying and way too long. Some days I feel like I've successfully gotten off this ride, but other days, I wake up only to find myself strapped in again. Seeing a therapist helps me put everything into perspective, sort out my emotions, and focus on doing the right things to heal.
If you haven't begun professional therapy to overcome your own experiences with infidelity and/or abandondment, please consider it. If you aren't sure if you can afford it, then check with your medical insurance company. A lot of health insurance plans include mental health. In fact, my mental health benefits are better than those for my physical health. I have to pay a copay every time I see my physician when I'm sick, but I don't have a copay to see my therapist. If you haven't looked in to your mental health options yet, you might be pleasantly surprised at what's available to you.
Once you figure out what your insurance covers or how much you can afford, the next step is to find a therapist. I am not an expert in this area, but here's what I did to find mine. I looked at the list of in-network mental health professionals on my insurance company's website and narrowed the options down by location first. Then I Googled every provider to find his/her website. If the provider didn't have a website, I skipped it. I checked out each website separately and read about the types of services provided and the areas of specialization of each therapist. I personally was looking for a therapist who specialized in relationships and marriage and who knew about narcissism. You might want to look for other specialities or characteristics in your therapist. But think about what you want to get out of your therapy experience and look for a therapist whose biography seems to match your expectations.
Here's another tip: You don't have to stick with the first therapist you find. I started seeing a therapist who I chose because he was a marriage and relationship specialist. After three or four sessions, I realized he just wasn't what I was looking for. He talked a lot about reconciliation even though I repeatedly told him neither Wusband nor I wanted to reconcile. He was a talker and spent half of my sessions talking about activities he tried with other couples, the advice he would give me if I wanted to reconcile, and once spent 20 minutes telling me that the cure to insomnia was to think about nothing other than a brick wall. When I realized I wasn't getting any benefit out of our sessions, I simply didn't schedule another appointment and then chose another therapist.
I really like the second therapist I found. She truly understands narcisissm and emotional abuse. She keeps me focused on thought processes that prevent me from sliding back into the pit of despair. Our weekly meetings feel more like catching up with an old friend than they feel like therapy. It is really awesome to talk to someone who simply listens and focuses on me for an entire hour. So many women with whom I've connected in support groups or through this blog have mentioned that it's hard for them to talk about their experiences because their friends and family members just don't understand. But you know who does get it? A therapist. I leave her office feeling validated and like I've gotten rid of some of the stress, anxiety, and negativity I had been carrying around with me.
So if you haven't sought out a therapist, I highly recommend it. The first few meetings might be a little awkward until you get to know the therapist a bit, but I was surprised at how easily I was able to open up. It's amazing to realize how much you have to say when someone is in front of you who has nothing else to do for an entire hour other than listen to you. And even though I cry every time I see my therapist (side note - I can't wait to get the point where I talk about Wusband without tearing up), I feel better when I walk out of her office. If you give therapy a try, I bet you'll feel better, too.
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