Dear Husband,
I used to think that you were the most understanding man on the planet. You seemed to get me, and even when we were having a disagreement, I felt like you heard me and truly understood my point of view. Now that I have realized you are a narcissist, I know that your behavior was simply strategic manipulation to lure me in and obtain future ammunition for your assaults. As I educate myself about narcissists and the types of victims they choose, I don't feel like I identify with the empaths that are the narcissists' typical ego supplies. I don't think you chose very well when you chose me; in fact, I think you misread and misinterpreted everything about me.
When we started dating, I was a newly divorced single mom. You saw a vulnerable woman struggling to adjust to her new life. In reality, I was excited about my new found independence and all the possibilities that life had to offer.
When we argued, you saw a woman filled with emotion who feared confrontation and didn't know how to stand up for herself. In reality, I found you impossible to communicate with because you twisted around everything I said, made assumptions about my intentions and feelings, and refused to accept any responsibility. It wasn't that I couldn't defend myself; it was that you weren't worth the effort.
When I took you back after your second affair, you saw a woman who was so codependent on you that she would put up with anything to remain a part of your life. In reality, you had fooled me into believing that you had changed, and I took you back on false promises of monogamy and loyalty.
When you continued to cheat and engage in online sexual relationships with other women, you saw a woman who was naive enough to believe you were being faithful. In reality, I never fully trusted you and was always one step behind you. It took me a long time to secure all the evidence of your infidelity, but I did it eventually.
When you dragged me along for weeks, supposedly trying to decide if you wanted to stay married to me, you saw a woman who was so devastated by the thought of losing you that she would always be there waiting. In reality, I was educating myself on your psychosis and planning my own exit strategy.
When you refused to give up Other Woman #4, you thought you had enough control over me that I would allow you to keep her in the hopes that you would eventually get bored and come back to me. In reality, I had already been forced to envision life without you and discovered that it was a better option than being married to the monster that you are. I had found my inner strength and realized that I was completely capable of letting you go.
Now that we are in the middle of our divorce, you still see a woman who you can manipulate and control. The process by which you go about this has changed, but you still believe you are in control over my emotions. In reality, I am no longer bothered by your foolish antics. You are nothing more than a clown to laugh at. You have hurt me so much in the past that there is literally nothing else you can do that will hurt me more. And I am looking forward to using this divorce process as a way to take you down a few notches and showcase you for what you really are: a coward with a fragile ego and not enough sense to know when to give up.
No, Husband, I don't think you ever really knew me. But I know you. It took me a long time to figure you out, and in all honesty, I don't think I would've succeeded if you hadn't left. So thank you, Husband, for giving me the gift of your absence. You have no idea how much I truly appreciate it. Because I am no longer fooled by your mask and your pretend emotions. I know who you are now.
When we first started dating, I saw a man who was charmingly sexy and so full of charisma that I couldn't believe he had picked me. Now I know that this is simply a front to hide your fragile ego.
I used to see a man who sacrificed his own time, money, and self-interest to help others. I used to describe you as, "selfless to a fault." Now I know that you are not altruistic at all; you just want to look good and secure your next ego supply.
I used to see a man who was passionate about his hobbies. I always thought it was curious that you never took the time to engage in the activities about which you spoke so fervently. Now I know that you have spent so long living behind a mask and pretending to be someone you're not that you don't actually have a sense of self, including any genuine interests.
I used to see an amazing father who was so involved in his children's lives and who put their needs ahead of his own. Now I know that your involvement only served the purpose of making you appear as Father of the Year. I know that your selfishness knows no bounds, not even those of your children's safety or security. You broke apart our family and took your children away from me and my son. What's worse is that you took a mother and brother away from your children. You aren't an amazing dad; you aren't even a tolerable one.
I used to see a man who was so broken by childhood trauma that he didn't think he was good enough for me. I thought therapy could help you find your self-worth. Now I know that you are a liar who made up excuses for your behavior and who painted yourself a victim of circumstances that never even happened.
I used to see a man who supported my career, even when my path to success was inconvenient. Now I know that you were only interested in my income, my good credit, and all the material possessions that could be obtained with them. I was able to provide such wonderful trophies for you, and all you had to do was encourage me to keep working.
Husband, do you know that I have accurately predicted every move you had made throughout our divorce? I knew you would leave your junk in my house, falsely believing that the satisfaction of my irritation was worth more than the value of your property. I knew that you wouldn't pay your half of our joint debt, refusing to acknowledge that any rules or consequences apply to you. I knew that you would resort to blameshifting and a smear campaign to try to make you look innocent in the destruction of our marriage. I am one step ahead of you in all of your attempts to come out of this divorce on top. Just like I was prepared with my exit strategy to rid myself of you before you decided to leave, I am just as prepared with evidence and strategies to fight back against all of your rediculous antics in court.
You will not win this fight, Husband, because you have no idea who you are up against. You spent too much effort trying to control me to realize that you had allowed the mask to slip so often that I was able to pick up pieces of you and arrange them into your true self, like putting a jigsaw puzzle together. I know you now. And you should fear what I’m capable of.
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