Dear Husband,
I've been looking back on all the years we spent together. On the surface, it appears that we made some amazing memories together. We travelled, both with the kids and on romantic get-aways. We shared new experiences. We built a life together. And I used to believe that life was so beautiful.
When I was so deep under your manipulation and emotional abuse that I couldn't see the truth about you or our marriage, I thought I was so lucky to have this amazing husband. I was grateful for you. I thought the life we built, the blended family, the way we made every house feel like home, I thought all of this was wonderful.
But since you left and gave me the gift of your absence, I have taken off the rose-colored glass and reexamined our life together. And it all looks completely different now. Because I am now removed from your manipulation, I can see the truth. I know that the suspicions I had were accurate. I know that you really did lie about everything I suspected you were lying about. And I know that it was all a sham.
Let's look back at some of these memories, shall we?
Do you remember all those affectionate text messages you used to send me? Of course, there were the ones in the beginning when we were still flirty and trying to impress each other. Then, when we were serious and had been together for years, the texts were less flirty and more deeply affectionate. Do you remember how you would text me in the middle of the work day to tell me you loved me and were thinking about me? Do you remember when you would text me at night when I was travelling for work to tell me you missed me?
Do you remember all those times I caught you sexting with other women? Do you remember the dirty way you spoke to those women? How you told them everything you wanted to do to their bodies? Do you remember the naked pictures they sent you? You must remember this; it went on with multiple women over the last four years of our relationship. You had different excuses every time. Once it was a crazy client who you were just making fun of. Once it was because you needed the flith but didn't think it belonged in our marriage. And then you finally admitted that this is just who you are. That might have been the only time you were ever honest with me.
Do you remember decorating the boys' rooms when we first moved in together? We spent two entire weekends shopping, painting walls, and sanding and painting furniture. We both wanted the boys to feel at home in my house and to be excited about this big change in their lives. I remember believing that we were really partners, that we got along well while working on projects together, and that these newly decorated bedrooms were just the beginning of the decades we were going to spend together.
Do you remember what it was like preparing to move into our new house? Do you remember refinishing all the hardwood floors? How you used the walk-behind sander and left me to get down on my hands and knees to do all the corners and edges, which took days longer than your part? Do you remember painting the living and dining room with me? And how those were the only rooms you painted? I painted six other rooms, plus a hallway, by myself. Do you remember helping me pack and unpack? No, of course you don't, because you didn't bother to help at all.
You see, by this point in our relationship, I had been demoted from "significant other," a role whose main purpose was to boost your ego and satisfy your sexual needs, to "care taker," a role whose purpose was to feed you and clean up after you. When we first moved in together, you were still pretending to be that amazing guy I fell in love with. And although you were cheating on me with Other Woman #1, I still had that role of "significant other," so you still acted like you cared about me and pretended we were true partners. But by the time we moved into the most recent house, the one you left, you were done with that. Almost all the pretense was gone. The mask was barely hanging on. So you no longer felt the need to pretend anything, and you were perfectly fine letting your wife do all the dirty work for you.
Do you remember that trip we took to the beach and amusement park with the kids? Do you remember how the kids were too scared to go on roller coasters? And when we ate at that burger and hotdog stand on the side of the road that turned out to be really good? Remember, it had those statues of cartoon characters, and I took tons of pictures? Do you remember how my son got the stomach flu, and I took this adorable picture of you cuddling with him in the hotel bed? Man, I really thought I was so lucky to have found this great step-dad for my son, someone who truly cared about him like his own son.
Do you remember sneaking out the hotel room to have middle-of-the-night conversations with Other Woman #2? I didn't know this was happening at the time, but she filled me in. She knew you were on vacation with your family; she just didn't know that family included me.
Do you remember how you continued to show how much you love my son by calling to check on him and ask how he's doing since you left? Oh, wait, that never happened. I guess you didn't really care about him at all.
Do you remember when you brought home those cake pops from work and claimed they were a gift from a client? I remember this distinctly because the cake pops were decorated like footballs and football helmets. It turns out they were really a gift from Other Woman #3. She asked me if you had hid them from me or brought them home to share. Well, I guess you were partially honest about this one. I mean, they were a gift from a client. You just left out the part about you fucking her.
Do you remember all those nights you had to work late? I remember dozens of conversations about this, how I was concerned you were working too hard and that you needed to tell your boss he was giving you too much work. Do you remember how many arguments we had because I was uncomfortable with you staying late so often? You see, I suspected an affair. I just didn't know who you were sleeping with at the time. As it turns out, my suspicions were accurate. You were staying late at work, but not to do any actual work. You were staying to spend time with Other Woman #4. What better way to hide it from your wife, who regularly checked your Google Maps timeline, than to be able to honeslty say you were still at work? And have Google Maps back you up?
Do you remember how hard we tried to have a baby together? We had so many conversations in which we talked about what it would be like, what a baby we made together would be like, how our life would change, whether or not I would be a stay-at-home mom. Do you remember how heartbroken I was every time I got my period and realized I wasn't pregant? Do you remember how devestated I was when the fertility specialist told us a baby probably wasn't in our future without help?
Do you remember showing me the children who were available for adoption through the state's adoption website? Do you remember telling me how much you wanted our family to continue to grow?
Do you remember telling me to get an abortion when I finally got pregnant? I guess you never really wanted our family to grow, after all.
Do you remember teaching me how to love again after my first divorce? Despite what I'm sure you believed (as I'm guessing you thought a new divorcee was an easy target), I did not walk away from my first marriage a devastated wreck. I just hadn't felt love in a long time. And there you were, pretending to be Mr. Right. You swept me off my feet and made me believe that I had never known true love until I found it with you.
But do you know what else you taught me? You taught me how to feel pure hatred and disgust. You taught me to set boundaries to protect myself. You taught me how to see the truth in people and what red flags I should look for. You taught me to trust my instincts and refuse to accept lies as the truth. Most importantly, you taught me how to rely on myself. You showed me how strong I am. I am not invincible, but I am capable of so much more than I ever realized while you were holding me back. I am Wonder Woman. Who the hell are you?
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